*The following post is MY opinion for myself. I'm not saying it has to apply to you if you don't like it. Aka, no flame throwers.
14 October 2014
23 September 2014
07 September 2014
Pilot Comic
Tony strongly encouraged me to dust off my old comic drawing habit, so here is the first of hopefully many! (And hopefully my drawing improves too...)
28 August 2014
My Early Miscarriage (TMI/strong feelings warning)
I'm not really sure about a gentle or tactful way to begin this post, so I'll just dive right in.
A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning to strong nausea, fatigue, and food aversions. As the days went by, a host of other symptoms showed up. Though I felt a bit like garbage, I felt elated! I didn't need a pee stick to tell me what my body was shouting: I'm pregnant!
One of the side effects of pregnancy was a relief of my dysthymia (type of depression). My doctor told me that could happen. I spent a few weeks in a slightly fuzzy-brained cheerful bliss.
Four days ago I woke up feeling really good. I only felt a tiny bit nauseated. As is typical in pregnancy, I leaped out of bed and went running for the bathroom to relieve myself.
Blood.
No no no.....and cramps.
I tried to stay calm. Some bleeding can be normal in the first trimester. Some cramps can be normal. But together? Then there was more blood, darker too. Throughout that morning all my pregnancy symptoms evaporated.
Perhaps I am writing this post too soon...I am still miscarrying as I write. (Normal in very early miscarriages like mine) I have a difficult time expressing how I feel, ever. Right now I feel like I could explode. This post is one of the blessed few ways I could think of to ease my pain.
I wish in a couple months Tony and I could make phones calls to people, and then post cute pregnancy announcements on social media. I wish we could have had ultrasounds. I wish we could have known the sex of our baby and named her or him. For our first baby, none of that will happen.
(Baby's due date: 7 May 2015)
Some of you may be thinking, "My gosh Megan, pull yourself together. It didn't even have a heartbeat yet. It was just a clump of cells... Since you miscarried it so early on, that means it didn't even have all the genetic material to grow into a full person." (most common cause of early miscarriage, actually)
Okay. True enough. My head understands that. Hence why I don't blame myself for this. I feel no guilt. I don't drink or smoke or take drugs, so I have no reason to feel guilty. HOWEVER, try to explain that to my heart. Something my mom told me that I know is true: You don't become a mom when you hold your baby for the first time, or even when you are pregnant. You become a mom when you decide you are ready for children and start trying to conceive.
I am a mom and my baby died.
My heartache and loss is not less because my baby was younger or tinier. I feel cheated right now because it's still not super acceptable to go around telling people you are mourning the loss of your baby because you miscarried. Pregnant? Shout it to the world! Everyone gets all excited! Lose a loved one? Post it all over social media and memorialize their Facebook account. (please note, these are all good things. Keep doing them. I am not trying to diminish these actions one bit, just feeling lost and confused right now.)
Oh ALSO...no pregnancy hormones to keep the dysthymia at bay, so dump a resurgence of depression on top of standard mourning. Fun times. No really.
What is the socially approved and correct way to tell people about your miscarriage and why you are mourning? Is there even a way? Clearly I don't know, hence this post. If you have experienced a miscarriage, stillborn child, ectopic pregnancy, or any sort of fertility issues...please talk to me. Comment, private message, text, call, whatever. Please.
1 out of 5 pregnancies (especially first pregnancies) end in miscarriage, so I know you are out there. It's horribly common. An interesting statistic, after one miscarriage your next pregnancy only has a 1 in 25 chance of miscarrying. So my request: if you get a call in a few months saying we're expecting, don't think we are bad people. We are not trying to replace our first baby. We can't. Our firstborn will be our second child. We still want children, and like I said, miscarriage happens rather frequently. It will take me a while to fully accept this sharp turn of events. When I get pregnant again I will be hyperparanoid about every little thing. I may even be one of those moms who rent a Doppler once the baby's heart starts beating so I can check on it whenever I want.
In our faith, stillborn babies are given names and buried. Doctrine surrounding miscarriage is pretty vague though. It is my hope that one day we will get to meet our first baby.
http://tonygraff.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/we-just-dont-talk-about-that/
Follow the above link for my husband's perspective and thoughts.
A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning to strong nausea, fatigue, and food aversions. As the days went by, a host of other symptoms showed up. Though I felt a bit like garbage, I felt elated! I didn't need a pee stick to tell me what my body was shouting: I'm pregnant!
One of the side effects of pregnancy was a relief of my dysthymia (type of depression). My doctor told me that could happen. I spent a few weeks in a slightly fuzzy-brained cheerful bliss.
Four days ago I woke up feeling really good. I only felt a tiny bit nauseated. As is typical in pregnancy, I leaped out of bed and went running for the bathroom to relieve myself.
Blood.
No no no.....and cramps.
I tried to stay calm. Some bleeding can be normal in the first trimester. Some cramps can be normal. But together? Then there was more blood, darker too. Throughout that morning all my pregnancy symptoms evaporated.
Perhaps I am writing this post too soon...I am still miscarrying as I write. (Normal in very early miscarriages like mine) I have a difficult time expressing how I feel, ever. Right now I feel like I could explode. This post is one of the blessed few ways I could think of to ease my pain.
I wish in a couple months Tony and I could make phones calls to people, and then post cute pregnancy announcements on social media. I wish we could have had ultrasounds. I wish we could have known the sex of our baby and named her or him. For our first baby, none of that will happen.
(Baby's due date: 7 May 2015)
Some of you may be thinking, "My gosh Megan, pull yourself together. It didn't even have a heartbeat yet. It was just a clump of cells... Since you miscarried it so early on, that means it didn't even have all the genetic material to grow into a full person." (most common cause of early miscarriage, actually)
Okay. True enough. My head understands that. Hence why I don't blame myself for this. I feel no guilt. I don't drink or smoke or take drugs, so I have no reason to feel guilty. HOWEVER, try to explain that to my heart. Something my mom told me that I know is true: You don't become a mom when you hold your baby for the first time, or even when you are pregnant. You become a mom when you decide you are ready for children and start trying to conceive.
I am a mom and my baby died.
My heartache and loss is not less because my baby was younger or tinier. I feel cheated right now because it's still not super acceptable to go around telling people you are mourning the loss of your baby because you miscarried. Pregnant? Shout it to the world! Everyone gets all excited! Lose a loved one? Post it all over social media and memorialize their Facebook account. (please note, these are all good things. Keep doing them. I am not trying to diminish these actions one bit, just feeling lost and confused right now.)
Oh ALSO...no pregnancy hormones to keep the dysthymia at bay, so dump a resurgence of depression on top of standard mourning. Fun times. No really.
What is the socially approved and correct way to tell people about your miscarriage and why you are mourning? Is there even a way? Clearly I don't know, hence this post. If you have experienced a miscarriage, stillborn child, ectopic pregnancy, or any sort of fertility issues...please talk to me. Comment, private message, text, call, whatever. Please.
1 out of 5 pregnancies (especially first pregnancies) end in miscarriage, so I know you are out there. It's horribly common. An interesting statistic, after one miscarriage your next pregnancy only has a 1 in 25 chance of miscarrying. So my request: if you get a call in a few months saying we're expecting, don't think we are bad people. We are not trying to replace our first baby. We can't. Our firstborn will be our second child. We still want children, and like I said, miscarriage happens rather frequently. It will take me a while to fully accept this sharp turn of events. When I get pregnant again I will be hyperparanoid about every little thing. I may even be one of those moms who rent a Doppler once the baby's heart starts beating so I can check on it whenever I want.
In our faith, stillborn babies are given names and buried. Doctrine surrounding miscarriage is pretty vague though. It is my hope that one day we will get to meet our first baby.
http://tonygraff.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/we-just-dont-talk-about-that/
Follow the above link for my husband's perspective and thoughts.
31 December 2012
Cute Doomsday Prepping!
Recently, Tony and I have been watching episodes of a show called Doomsday Preppers. We enjoy laughing at some of the silly things people do to prep (welding steel shipping containers together to make a zombie-proof compound for example), but it has got us thinking.
The wicks that came in the lamps were (understandably) old and falling apart. Instead of buying new ones, I decided to make them myself. I chain-stitched some cotton yarn until it was the thickness needed.
VERY IMPORTANT: Do not use dyed cotton as a wick. It creates headache-inducing smoke. So then I made a wick with some plain white cotton.
This is the teeny-tiny lamp. It holds about 2 or 3 fluid ounces of oil. As you can see, it still gives off quite a bit of light! And it's cute....yeah......
One of the small ones, and the baby one! And since Tony and I like Victorian/steampunk, these fit right in with our decor. Also, I have this thing about nic-nacs. I HHHHAAATTTTEEEE them. If I have something in my house, it better have an use. These are perfect!
In our church, we are encouraged to store food for one year and have a 72-hour bag in case we would have to leave due to disaster. It takes a while to build up a years worth of food, but we are working on it. We have also been storing some dry goods, one of these being candles.
The electricity in our building is uh...irregular. It has a habit of browning out and doing weird things. Regardless, it is a good idea to have non-electric light on hand. We have a couple non-battery flashlights, but those are only so useful.
In Sterling, we have a few little antique stores. At our favorite one, Tony found an entire bookcase full of different sizes and styles of oil lamps. Today we went back to the antique store and chose three smallish ones and one super tiny one. If you want to find some of your own, Wal Mart has them and oil and wicks all in one place, but if you want a prettier lamp and to support local business, go with an antique store!
The wicks that came in the lamps were (understandably) old and falling apart. Instead of buying new ones, I decided to make them myself. I chain-stitched some cotton yarn until it was the thickness needed.
VERY IMPORTANT: Do not use dyed cotton as a wick. It creates headache-inducing smoke. So then I made a wick with some plain white cotton.
This is the teeny-tiny lamp. It holds about 2 or 3 fluid ounces of oil. As you can see, it still gives off quite a bit of light! And it's cute....yeah......
One of the small ones, and the baby one! And since Tony and I like Victorian/steampunk, these fit right in with our decor. Also, I have this thing about nic-nacs. I HHHHAAATTTTEEEE them. If I have something in my house, it better have an use. These are perfect!
So one of the best parts about our adventure in oil lamps, all of this cost about $25. Granted, we bought small lamps. If you want to buy a full size oil lamp, a basic one can cost you at least $15. Nice looking ones go for a lot more. It's kind of like when you go to a fast food restaurant and you pay for a drink. If you buy a small drink, you can get up and go refill it as often as you like, or you can pay more money for a larger cup and fill it less frequently. I would rather pay less (none of these lamps cost more than $6). Also, a very little oil burns for hours, so it's really not a big deal to have these small lamps.
17 January 2012
Student Teaching So Far...
Here are a variety of scattered thoughts which I refuse to organize:
I'm better at conducting since I haven't had a conducting class in a while...weird.
I'm really glad I learned how to play a lot of the instruments back in high school when I actually had some time to practice them.
I am not a morning person....getting up at 5am everyday is KILLING me...even when I go to bed at 9pm. >.<
Even if you think you CAN'T learn how to teach very small children, you can. Those heart-breakingly adorable five-year-olds will find a way to chip at your diamond-hard exterior....oh and the six-year-olds too.
Learn kids names as fast as you can. It makes class go much smoother when you can call out the name of the misbehaving child, give them the "mom look" and move on. (or in other words, I still don't know very many names....)
If a kid just isn't understanding something, get clever and get silly. It will help them to quickly learn the skill, and remember it!
Talk to your cooperating teachers a lot. Write down what they say.
Expect and demand high-quality work from your students. It will surprise you what they are really capable of when you expect it.
Understand your students. If they misbehave, figure out WHY, don't just punish, punish, punish. Kids have stress in their lives too, and they aren't as experienced at handling it.
Band peeps: if you teach a single day of your life in an elementary school, you're gunna sing in front of a room full of people. Get over it.
Ipods are really useful.
It's a very precious experience to see each elementary class start with a prayer, but I especially love when the kindergarteners pray. The are perfectly blunt, honest, and sincere.
I'm better at conducting since I haven't had a conducting class in a while...weird.
I'm really glad I learned how to play a lot of the instruments back in high school when I actually had some time to practice them.
I am not a morning person....getting up at 5am everyday is KILLING me...even when I go to bed at 9pm. >.<
Even if you think you CAN'T learn how to teach very small children, you can. Those heart-breakingly adorable five-year-olds will find a way to chip at your diamond-hard exterior....oh and the six-year-olds too.
Learn kids names as fast as you can. It makes class go much smoother when you can call out the name of the misbehaving child, give them the "mom look" and move on. (or in other words, I still don't know very many names....)
If a kid just isn't understanding something, get clever and get silly. It will help them to quickly learn the skill, and remember it!
Talk to your cooperating teachers a lot. Write down what they say.
Expect and demand high-quality work from your students. It will surprise you what they are really capable of when you expect it.
Understand your students. If they misbehave, figure out WHY, don't just punish, punish, punish. Kids have stress in their lives too, and they aren't as experienced at handling it.
Band peeps: if you teach a single day of your life in an elementary school, you're gunna sing in front of a room full of people. Get over it.
Ipods are really useful.
It's a very precious experience to see each elementary class start with a prayer, but I especially love when the kindergarteners pray. The are perfectly blunt, honest, and sincere.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)